Self-Reflection: "You've Changed"

Change is something that I do not love, but know it has to happen.  It can be good, it can be bad, but either way, it has to happen in order for us to move forward in life.


Today, a Friday, on the last real week of school (exams are next week), I had a student tell me (after being reprimanded for playing a stupid prank), "Mrs. M, You've changed."  My response, "So have you." Him, "You used to be fun." Me. "You used to be behaved and respectful." And I left it at that.  He knew where I was going with it and seemed shocked that I would point out his recent history of talking over me, admitting he didn't feel that I was saying was necessary to listen to, racing in the computer lab chairs, putting his feet up on the desk, and the list goes on.

The bell rang, and I scooped up my lunch and headed to the lunch room.  Have I changed? Did I used to be fun and now I'm not? Or is my level of 'fun' dependent on their level of respect and appropriate behavior? The more I sat through lunch, the more I thought about it. Yes, it's the end of the year.  I'm tired of all the kids being whiney and worn out.  I'm equally worn out. If they weren't whiney opinionated and vocal, would I have found his harmless prank funny? No, I can't honestly say I would have. Would I have yelled at him for it, probably not in the same fashion...  After I mentally processed that, I started to think, how have I really changed, professionally.  My goal, every year is to build up the skills and techniques I learned the year before, and then try something new the following year and see how it goes.  Am I doing that?

I took the period after lunch to reflect and really think about it.  There are just awful teachers who don't know when to leave.  I never want to be one of those teachers.  I want to be open to change and growth and new methods, I don't want to be that teacher who has used the exact same notes, method of delivery, classroom management and grading style for the past 46 years (hey, I'm technically OK,. I have 51 years before that hits!), but you get my point.

These kids need the best.  If they're getting every opportunity of learning and success laid out and available to them, then we can only grow as a community stronger and stronger, generation after generation. Am I doing what I can in order to get them one step closer? And if I am, are they accepting the challenge to succeed?

I'm not sure I have an answer or ending to this at this point.  I'm not sure how I feel about things and where I stand, as a teacher. I love it, there's no doubt about that. But is that enough?  I want to make sure I'm doing the best I can (I don't mean being THE best, just my best).

Do you ever wonder if you're doing your best at something? 

Power Song

Today I was running wogging around the local park in hopes of getting in another 5k time to help prepare me for my race coming up. Just like I mentioned the other day, I struggle midway... I am sure everyone has a point where they are struggling. I was really rough this morning, while I had plenty of sleep I was NOT hydrated enough. At one point I wanted to stop and cry... So I walked, and walked, and continued to walk some more.  I wasn't letting myself quit. So I turned my Nike+ on to the 5k program and it was counting down for me. I got to where it was at the 400 meter mark, and I have no idea what I was thinking, but in my head I looked at what I had left on my path, and knew that was wayyyy too long and it was starting to rain heavier, so I cut across the park, only to find myself significantly shorter than intended. Go figure...

Either way - I got 2.96 miles done in 51 minutes.  I WILL finish this 5k, but it will not be as speedy as I hoped.  I'm trying not to talk myself down about it, because I'm going to do regardless, but I just feel silly knowing I can't jog the whole thing.  I feel like I don't belong on it.

Anyways - enough pity talk.  I was halfway through the wog today and a song came on, perfectly timed. It's an odd choice, I know - but Kristtinia Debarge has a song called "Sabotage".  And while it's not about working out (clearly) the lyrics were PERFECT timing. As I was convincing myself I couldn't do it and needed to quit, this song came on and I realized, that's exactly what I was doing.

So here's the lyrics, and again - I know this song isn't a typical power song and I normally wouldn't consider this as a motivational song on my playlist, but I found it ironic that it came on when I was ready to quit. I didn't even realize I put it in that playlist.

What is your power song to keep you going?

What you may have guessed

I was chatting last night with someone who reads my blog and during our conversation, there's so much about me I realized that I may not be clear about, or is somehow misrepresented in my blog. So I thought I would clear the air and get a few facts about me out there. I dont' want to confuse someone, because I've gotten to know a lot of great people here, so I want it all out there :)

1. I'm shy.  I'm a very shy person, and I'm very awkward in large group settings, which is why I avoid them.  I'm all for small group settings, but large stuff, not my scene

2. I'm sarcastic.  I can't help it. I used it all through school as a defense tool to not let on I felt left out or my feelings were hurt. So I still do it now.

3. (and this is the most important!!!) I don't consider myself a 'blogger'.  I am no where near the level of blogger who goes out and has hundreds of regular followers and readers, and I don't spend time planning out my entries. I admire people who do, but I don't have an inner-writer hiding out, and I'm not quick-witted and funny enough. I don't try and come up with witty titles (if it happens, it's purely accidental). And to be honest, I'm OK with that. I don't think I started this with that goal. I enjoy getting to know you guys, and getting a little peak into the lives you share, that's why I'm here and that's what I get out of blogging.  Don't get me wrong, I love followers and visitors and comments just like anyone else out there, but I am never going to spend hours laying out my posts for the week, and there might be a week that flies by and I didn't stop in to say hello.

I am sure this isn't 'news' to a lot of people, but I wanted it out there.

Have a great Tuesday, it's beautiful here! 

Coincidences...

*Disclaimer - This post touches on religion.  If it's something you disagree with, that's your right, and I respect that. However if you're here, and decide to comment, even if you disagree with my feelings - there is no need to discredit them. 

I recently had the opportunity to go on a retreat for our junior students. This retreat is a smaller version of a retreat I went to last year that really gave me the opportunity to mentally deal with my miscarriage (#1). I really enjoyed it.  This was just a one night stay at Loyola Retreat House. It's so simple yet so beautiful there.

I'm not sure how I feel about coincidences but there were three key events that happened for this trip that just make me sit back and reflect a bit more than I planned on it.  There are a lot of different opinions on them, so it's interesting to hear how people interpret a coincidence.

Weird instance #1
Before the trip I got the list of students attending, and one students name on the list particularly caught my attention.  Her older sister had attended the retreat I went to last year.  And this student in particular was dating a guy who also went - and that boy (they are now broken up) is a previous student that I have really been blessed to have and get to know. He's an amazing kid and I know we'll stay in contact for years to come. He has really helped me stay motivated in my goals to get my life back on track and has always supported me in my fitness efforts.  He's one of the few people who I know in real life, who knows about my recent struggles, and this retreat is where I really had the opportunity to get to know him beyond the kid who sits in X row and X chair.  It was

Weird instance #2

While we were there, the first thing I did was go to my room to unpack.  In the rooms there's a journal that stays in each room, and previous retreatants are encouraged to leave a note or prayer for future retreatants to reflect on.  I don't, but I took a minute to read through the book in my room. I flip through, the book has been there a while.  Some notes in it were from the last 90's.  As I get closer to towards the end, there was one addressed to three people.... and it was a woman continuing a prayer from the prior page that I must have missed.  I flipped back the page and started reading.  Oddly enough this woman was writing a note to her three unborn children, as she referred to them as angels.  Just talking about how she went to the retreat to find peace so that she could focus back on her family and moving on.  I read it and instantly found myself sitting on the bed, still holding my bags, reading her note over and over.  the prayer book in other students rooms were somewhat filled in, some were completely empty.. Mine on the other hand was like it was hand-picked for me.

I was hesitant to go on this retreat because I'm having a hard time accepting God into my life right now.  I was raised Catholic and I know we're supposed to believe things happen for a reason, and that God gives us what we can handle.  But after three losses and having a rough few months of bad decisions, I just feel like everything I used to believe left me here to suffer alone. And that the God I believed in wouldn't keep making these huge obstacles for me.

So I put the book back, wiped away some tears and unpacked.  That night progressed and my friend had a beautiful baby girl in the middle of the night.  I was originally due (#2) just a month after her.  So it reminded me that in just a few short weeks, I would have been giving birth...

Weird instance #3

I didn't give the book much more thought in the morning until it came time for a prayer service and reconciliation. I had no intention on participating, I just have been sitting by quietly during all their activities watching and taking it in. My coworker (running the retreat) asked me to read a passage during the service. Sure, I can handle this (even though I haven't touched a bible or prayer book in over a year... even when I went to church I didn't touch it).  And then the passage he has me read is the one about the woman who committed adultery but the message of it is what caught my attention.  Jesus said 'he who is without sin cast the first stone'.  And so he went on to talk about sins and bad decisions we've made.  How sins aren't a way of saying we've done wrong and we're being punished, but how we took something we thought we needed in our lives, but took it too far.  For example, the 7 deadly sins, we all need to eat, we just over indulge.  We all need love in our lives, we just sometimes take it too far to lust.  We all need to acknowledge what we're good at, and that we have skills, but we sometimes take it too far with our pride.

I had NO idea what his talk was going to be about, and I had no idea what to expect with reconciliation (the last retreat we had a regular mass with a priest) and I certainly didn't expect to be the one reading it out loud to these kids. But I thought it was ironic that without me saying, or rather, any of us saying, our sins, he was able to point out and remind us that most of us are punishing ourselves more than God would.

So as I said before, I dont know how I feel about coincidences, I usually don't notice them as much as did this recent trip, but it was weird how everything tied together. And if it was enough to catch my attention, it's something I want to give some thought to.  I made a promise to myself that during the next few months I'd come to peace with religion. I don't know if I plan on going back to Catholisism, but I know there's something out there for me that I can find comfort in and I'd like to look for that.  Maybe it's my own praise in my own form and my own time, who knows..

Related articles

• Young Adult Retreat "A Passionate Life: Deepening Relationships with God, Yourself, and Others" (gloucestercitynews.net)
• Two Kinds of Prayer. (greatriversofhope.wordpress.com)

Sure, I'm Happy For You

I recently received confirmation that my cousin is pregnant.  (dead silence for a few minutes).  I kind of knew.  I saw two posts on Facebook on her wall from her sister leading me to believe there was something going on.

That side of my family knows the problems I've had.  They know it's a sensitive subject for me right now. I was 9 weeks pregnant when I went to her wedding.  They knew because frankly after we saw the heartbeat, and the chance of loss goes down to 5% - I was too excited to not tell them.  She and I were talking (we used to be very close) and she confesses that because of her 15 years of multiple eating disorders and drug use, she'd have no idea if she'd ever be able to have kids.  There were YEARS she went without ever having a period because of her disorder, so I quickly realized how scary that must feel.  I had no idea then that I'd be in a similar spot - not knowing if I can ever have a successful pregnancy.  But now the tables are turned. I'm not sure exactly how far along she is - I didn't have enough strength to ask my mom.

Am I happy for her? Absolutely.  But don't ask me to be excited or to want to share in her joy right now. I just can't do it.  Is it selfish? Sure, I think so.  Do I care? No. I have no intention on participating in her baby shower.  She's likely due (if I do my math correctly) within a month of when my last pregnancy was due.  So the last thing I want or need is a reminder that I had yet again failed.

It's times like this that I wish I were a better person. Just because I'm miserable doesn't mean I should take it out on other people.  But I'm not a better person. I can't sit here and pretend like I want to message her and say congratulations.  And because she is a better person than I am - she wouldn't expect that, she knows it would be too hard.

Why is it when you want something so bad, and yet can't have it - everyone around you suddenly has one?  A new car or new laptop - it's all the same. When you want one you're suddenly reminded how fortunate everyone else is that they got one, and you can't have one.

Text = Embarrassing

I usually have one or two things I do that are fully embarrassing every month.  However, I'm pretty sure last night's embarrassing moment topped quite a few of mine.

Last night - This was me.

I am an advisor for swim club, and so I have a handful of student cell numbers in my cell so that I can text them about last minute changes or reminders and they can spread the word. WELL - my phone decided that this wasn't suitable.  I went to send Alissa a text with a picture of me in my bridesmaid gown - and I had *just* cleared out all my old texts, she was the only person I had in my recent sent or received messages.  I attach the picture, I explain what the shoes will look like and *poof* my phone goes psycho on me and sends that text to my SWIM CLUB KIDS.

Seriously? So as soon as I realized what happened I hurried up and sent out an 'omg so sorry' type of response, but wow.  At least the picture was appropriate and wasn't something I could easily get in trouble from.

The next time I send a text - I'm going to make sure my phone is in agreement with me.

Year in Review (picture post)

This has been an interesting year to say the least!

January was a smooth month. I was just starting to get back to normal after my miscarriage. My body was finally recognizing the pregnancy ended and I thought I was finally at a point where I could move on.


February - Drama at work started.  Catty coworkers and gossipy students feeding off of the overly-chatty coworkers. Because that wasn't enough - I had to go and have my gallbladder out much earlier than planned because the pain was so bad.

March - I started boot camp. The most amazing choice I made all year for myself. In the beginning of the month I got tattoo #2.  I got one on my foot, hubby got one on his back. 

April - Spring break, a getaway from all the drama as it continues. I went on a retreat with the seniors at work. It was a much needed experience and while I'm not sure I'll ever go back, I'm glad I went this time around. I finally had to face issues with the miscarriage I had the previous year.

May - Things at work started to peak, and I reconsidered whether that was somewhere I even wanted to stay.  Who do you go to when the bully at work is a coworker practically sleeping with the boss? Ya know? School wrapped up and graduation was in site for kids... Things the last week of May eased up.

June - I began seeing a counselor to deal with the m/c that I ignored for the past 6 months.  Rather than deal with something right away, I have to do it when I'm ready and I was finally ready.  The retreat experience really made me realize I was in a bad place.  When I could sit there and talk about skydiving and when someone said 'but you might not survive' and I could sit there and say 'But I'm OK with that' - clearly there was a problem.  So I sucked it up and found an amazing counselor to talk to.  She really helped me sort things out.

July - Awesome month.  I was feeling good and I had the opportunity to visit two dear friends. One in Texas and one in Georgia.  After everything that had happened all year (when I refer to year, I usually am speaking in school-year mode) - I needed this getaway.  While I was gone I had the opportunity to see that I was making quite a few mistakes in life and I needed to get back on track.  I was on a path that if I didn't get my butt in gear, I was going to sink quickly. So I came back and hubs and I got back on the same page and off I went back to a better place.

August was a good month also.  By this point I had lost 35lbs from bootcamp. We went to Punta Cana with two good friends of ours.  We spent a week in paradise away from the world.  Came back from vacation and started couples counseling the following week. That was a great opportunity for Hubs and I to really get on the same page and make sure we were still on the same path.  Sadly summer ended and I had to go back to work. I went back to work with a fresh attitude towards people and stopped caring. I wasn't going to be bullied and I wasn't going to hide from the queen bee.  So I approached her about a week or two before school started to try and get a feel on her. I think after talking to her I got her to realize I'm not a threat and she needs to stop feeling that way.

September I found out I was pregnant, again.   Well actually I knew at the end of August, but it became more real in September after having the bloodwork confirmation. I told my mom on her birthday weekend (Labor Day weekend), and two weeks after that I went to Chicago (another new city for the first time ever).  By then pretty much my whole family knew I was pregnant.  At the end of the month (the 27th to  be exact) I got to see the heartbeat by that point so in my mind, things were going OK. Little did I know a month later they'd be removing little Lima from me :(

October is a month I'd love to just forget entirely.  In that short 31 days I managed to find out the baby died, so I had a d&c in order to move on faster than my last m/c.  I was 11 weeks when I found out. I lost three friends - luckily I was able to recovered the two important ones out of the mess. The one I lost, isn't really a big loss.  Now that I look back at least 50 if not 70% of our friendship was based on lies.  He was a pathological liar who needs quite a bit of help.  I've never been so manipulated in my life.  However, the experience allowed me to really take a look at myself and the way I approach friendships and give that a bit of a makeover.  I've been working really hard since that experience to try and make sure the few friends I keep close know how important to me they are. I took a trip to Seven Springs the weekend after my d&c.  I had to get away.  The following weekend we had scheduled to go to New York to look at wedding dresses for my sisters upcoming wedding.  She bought a beautiful one at the first shop we went to. 

November is my anniversary.  This year we celebrated 4 years of being married.  Our anniversary fell on Thanksgiving so we spent it with family. I spent most of November just going through the motions.  I haven't dealt with the m/c in full and it will hit me at some point, but not yet. And, because I didn't have enough going on - when I went in for a follow up to my d&c I found out I had abnormal cells and needed surgery.  I talked about it in my blog here.  Something I just wasn't prepared for.  I needed November to end.

December was a smooth at work.  I had my surgery scheduled for mid-month and luckily we had two snow days so that I didn't have to use any more valuable time off.  I'm trying to save that time for when I actually have a successful pregnancy and I'd like to stop wasting it on other things.  And yes, before you tell me - having precancerous cells removed is not 'wasting' time off - I know.  I just refer to it that way because I'm still angry about everything... Can you tell I really haven't dealt with it.

So there we go. My year in a nutshell.

So what does 2011 hold for me? Hopefully no more medical issues and by this time in 2011 I can typing a blog entry, very similar to this, holding a beautiful little baby... I won't hold my breath for that though..

Resolutions

There's the quote: Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits, and this year - that's not going to be me! Every year I make a list, like thousands of other people - but by the end of the year I usually don't have a clue what I wrote for the year ending. I know a lot of people refuse to make this list because they don't like the concept, blah blah - well good for you. However it's something I do every year and while I don't always remember it at the end of the year it is something I incorporate into my life at the beginning so it must stick somewhere. 

So... My list: 

• My health.  Not just weight loss, I want to focus on getting back into overall shape.  I'm not going to stress over the numbers on the scale or my pant size, but I want to be able to get my cardio up to par with that of someone not as over weight as I am.  I am working towards it, and it's an on-going goal. I also need to suck it up and go to the doctor when something concerns me. I need to stop saying I don't have time, after the scare I had this year - I'll pay more attention to my body!
• Patience.  I have zero.  I get anxious just trying to finish my blog sometimes.  I need to learn how to slow things down and accept the fact that I can't control everything. Sometimes it's out of my hands and things happen for a reason.  I'm not a mom right now for a reason - so I need to accept it and work towards the future knowing that I can't plan everything in life and expect it to go my way. 
• Friends and Family. I need to constantly remind my friends and family how much I value them being in my life.  I'm not an overly open person, but I need to start realizing that people care about me and they deserve to be included in my little bubble i put up for myself. err, not sure that sentence sounds right to what I mean, but I'm trying to say I love them and they don't deserve to be closed out like I often do!

 I think those three are doable. Every year I do some sort of weight loss goal, but this year it's just about my health. There's so much more than just losing weight to focus on, so that's up there.  And then I need to work on patience. I really have none and it's sucky.  I end up getting angry over things I can't control and then making changes and decisions to compensate and fill that void that it's just not worth it. 

I hope everyone a wonderful new year and that it brings you everything you're looking for! 

Related articles

• New Year's Resolutions (socyberty.com)
• Doomed New Years Resolutions (socyberty.com)
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Thanks for being an asshole.. I mean it.

In order to move forward, I suppose that means you have to let go of some things I'm angry and resentful about. So thanks to Plinky I have decided to write a letter to not just one person, but a handful of folks from high school.

Dear classmates(you know who you are):

I want to thank you for so many things. If you weren't who you were for the worst four yeras of my life, I wouldn't be who I am now.  The first thing I want to do is thank you for being superficial.  I can now appreciate the fact that you wouldn't speak to me on days I wore jeans, but only on days I was dressed in a skirt or khakis so that I fit your mold.  I had no idea back then how much I would appreciate learning early how judgemental people could be. You're right - my parents weren't doctors and lawyers like yours, but they wanted better for me than they had - which is what they were trying to do by sending me to your awful school.  I'm sorry I didn't go there for elementry and middle school, so you never had a chance to hate me for all 12 years, and I would never fit into your high school cliques, but that's the way life goes. 


Secondly, I want to thank you specifically, Mr. Senior Football player for actually treating me like I was human.  I know you were out of my league, but you never made me feel like the loser that I actually was - and I will always remember that.  You actually moved and live in my area now - and I see you pretty often at Target.  I'll never say hello, just like I didn't back then. I'll just look at you smile and blush and quickly look away. Somethings never change, and you will always be that unattainable guy I was so into!

As for you, Mr. Big-shot Military guy - thank you for being the worlds worst boyfriend. I didn't know someone like you existed.  I knew about physically abusive relationships when I started dating you - and you promised me you'd protect me from all those types of people and never hurt me.  So much for that.  I don't think you realized that emotional abuse is that much harder because no one sees it happening and I had to suffer alone.  You were mr. wonderful among your friends, and I was SO 'lucky' to be your girlfriend that I didn't dare speak up and say anything.  When I finally slipped out of your grip and moved on to my now, husband - I was quickly taught how I should be treated - and I need to thank you for that.  I wouldn't have known what I deserved and what I needed if I hadn't experienced the awful!  


Thanks for the memories, 


x

High school was such an experience that while I look back with dread, and have very, very limited positive memories from it - there were plenty of good things. I met my husband and I was fortunate enough to have his support during my time there. I made a handful of good friends - that while we aren't friends any longer, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate their friendship any less. People grow and change and drift away - but they were amazing. I had two awesome teachers who really opened my eyes to my career choice and helped me see what I need. 

I learned how to be strong and how to get out of two abusive relationships. I learned how people can be when they just judge you based on looks.  I learned that the upperclassman who only dates younger girls does it for a reason - he's a loser. I learned how to mend broken friendships and I learned the value of a friendship.

These are all things I want to take with me and will use the rest of my life. I'll never stand by for an abusive relationship and I'll speak up for someone I see it happening to.  I will learn to value the good friends and focus on a few who mean the most to me rather than see how many people I can surround myself with.

Starting 2011 these are all things I needed to remind myself of because it's so easy to get wrapped up in the daily routine that I forget the big picture in life!

Christmas Cookie Fail

So I'll admit - I have a Christmas cookie fail going on.  I tried to make 6 things this year:

• Chocolate Chip Cookies
• Peanut Butter Blossoms
• Sugar Cookies
• Fudge
• Turtle Brownies
• Rice Krispy Treats

And out of those - the brownies came out great, as did the PB Blossoms.  The chocolate chip cookies and sugar cookies are like wafer thin - WTF? I have no idea how that happened. I'm quite disappointed. They taste good, they just look pathetic.

The fudge was a new recipe and I'm not 100% sold on it. It's not nearly as creamy and lovely as I'd like, it's a bit more in your face sweetness.  And then the rice krispy treats could use a little bit more marshmallow, but too late for that now. So it will have to do. Err... I threw those away.. They were mighty crunchy. Ugh.

Anyhow - here's what I ended up with:

Related articles

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Ouch!

Image via WikipediaYesterday I went skiing at Boston Mills / Brandywine.  It was my first time.  A few days prior I saw a deal on Living Social for lessons and the intro package at only $26.  I didn't buy it - shame on me, and I should have. Because shortly after that I was talking to a friend of mine, who is an avid skier and suddenly had the urge to try it.

So I get to the place all ready to ski.  I have to go and get my boots and my skiis and my poles and then figure out how to get into everything. Thank gosh he was super patient and helpful because I wouldn't have even gotten past the boots part I was so frustrated.  The skiis weigh a ton (hey I'm out of shape, bear with me!)

So he gets me all geared up, and I head over to my lesson.  Lesson begins, there are four of us.  The other three happen to be from South Africa and have just a lovely accent I got to enjoy.  Anyhow - JUST as the instructor was saying no one falls on his lessons, poof - down I go, that was fall one of 7 (in merely 3 hours!).  I handled every fall pretty much the same except for one when I was going down Buttermilk (I believe that's the name of their beginner hill, which was significantly larger than the bunny hill!).  So I begged my friend go to over to the bunny hill with me so I could practice.  I will say - when you have to walk - up the hill, with your equipment, it kind of takes the fun of coming back DOWN out of it.

So the bunny hill and I got along just fine. There were no people.  I struggle when I see people at the bottom because I don't know how to steer and I don't know how to stop really. So that's something I will definitely need to go back and try again down the road!

All in all - good experience. Will take a few more lessons and hopefully next time I'll remember to fight the urge to stand upright!

Related articles

• Lessons from a Ski Slope (Part 1) (featherglass.com)
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Christmas Break

I feel like this is the first time I actually NEED a break from work this year.  I usually look forward to breaks and enjoy them, but this year has been a whirlwind....

I absolutely hate a handful I have at the end of the day.  I can't believe I even use that word, but that is literally where they've pushed me.  They are rude, disrepsectful and unmotivated.  I can usually handle one of those at a time, but to be all three - all the time, is amazing.  I have an awesome day every day until I walk into my last two classes.

I also feel like this Christmas has been a struggle because of what I imagined for this Christmas this year, and I just can't get into it.  I love buying gifts and I love getting things all wrapped up but frankly that's all I have in me!

130 can't come soon enough...

Err... Where'd that workout attitude go?

Getting sick really throws me off. I plan on getting back on track this week.  I have this week to work out. And then the following week (the week of the 13th) I have to 'take it easy' after surgery for two weeks. So I don't know how hard I'll be pushing myself.

Man it's just so easy to get off track!

Can't work out

Because my hair just looks too damn cute. ;) (Awful excuse, maybe I'll squeeze it in later!) Just got a haircut and wouldn't want to mess up style. Paid good money for it. Haha. So in the mean time, I will read this article about surviving Thanksgiving Day as a couple ;) And work on my 'I'm Thankful' post for tomorrow.


Have a lovely evening!

I'm ready

This is at least my 10th or 11th attempt at keeping a blog.  The difference with this one? I'm setting a goal - 100 posts before I'll allow myself to quit.  I need this.  My second difference, I'm not sharing this with anyone.  At least not for a while. I need a break from my real life and the drama that's taking place there..