I'm not sure how I feel about coincidences but there were three key events that happened for this trip that just make me sit back and reflect a bit more than I planned on it. There are a lot of different opinions on them, so it's interesting to hear how people interpret a coincidence.
Weird instance #1
Before the trip I got the list of students attending, and one students name on the list particularly caught my attention. Her older sister had attended the retreat I went to last year. And this student in particular was dating a guy who also went - and that boy (they are now broken up) is a previous student that I have really been blessed to have and get to know. He's an amazing kid and I know we'll stay in contact for years to come. He has really helped me stay motivated in my goals to get my life back on track and has always supported me in my fitness efforts. He's one of the few people who I know in real life, who knows about my recent struggles, and this retreat is where I really had the opportunity to get to know him beyond the kid who sits in X row and X chair. It was
Weird instance #2
While we were there, the first thing I did was go to my room to unpack. In the rooms there's a journal that stays in each room, and previous retreatants are encouraged to leave a note or prayer for future retreatants to reflect on. I don't, but I took a minute to read through the book in my room. I flip through, the book has been there a while. Some notes in it were from the last 90's. As I get closer to towards the end, there was one addressed to three people.... and it was a woman continuing a prayer from the prior page that I must have missed. I flipped back the page and started reading. Oddly enough this woman was writing a note to her three unborn children, as she referred to them as angels. Just talking about how she went to the retreat to find peace so that she could focus back on her family and moving on. I read it and instantly found myself sitting on the bed, still holding my bags, reading her note over and over. the prayer book in other students rooms were somewhat filled in, some were completely empty.. Mine on the other hand was like it was hand-picked for me.
I was hesitant to go on this retreat because I'm having a hard time accepting God into my life right now. I was raised Catholic and I know we're supposed to believe things happen for a reason, and that God gives us what we can handle. But after three losses and having a rough few months of bad decisions, I just feel like everything I used to believe left me here to suffer alone. And that the God I believed in wouldn't keep making these huge obstacles for me.
So I put the book back, wiped away some tears and unpacked. That night progressed and my friend had a beautiful baby girl in the middle of the night. I was originally due (#2) just a month after her. So it reminded me that in just a few short weeks, I would have been giving birth...
Weird instance #3
I didn't give the book much more thought in the morning until it came time for a prayer service and reconciliation. I had no intention on participating, I just have been sitting by quietly during all their activities watching and taking it in. My coworker (running the retreat) asked me to read a passage during the service. Sure, I can handle this (even though I haven't touched a bible or prayer book in over a year... even when I went to church I didn't touch it). And then the passage he has me read is the one about the woman who committed adultery but the message of it is what caught my attention. Jesus said 'he who is without sin cast the first stone'. And so he went on to talk about sins and bad decisions we've made. How sins aren't a way of saying we've done wrong and we're being punished, but how we took something we thought we needed in our lives, but took it too far. For example, the 7 deadly sins, we all need to eat, we just over indulge. We all need love in our lives, we just sometimes take it too far to lust. We all need to acknowledge what we're good at, and that we have skills, but we sometimes take it too far with our pride.
I had NO idea what his talk was going to be about, and I had no idea what to expect with reconciliation (the last retreat we had a regular mass with a priest) and I certainly didn't expect to be the one reading it out loud to these kids. But I thought it was ironic that without me saying, or rather, any of us saying, our sins, he was able to point out and remind us that most of us are punishing ourselves more than God would.
So as I said before, I dont know how I feel about coincidences, I usually don't notice them as much as did this recent trip, but it was weird how everything tied together. And if it was enough to catch my attention, it's something I want to give some thought to. I made a promise to myself that during the next few months I'd come to peace with religion. I don't know if I plan on going back to Catholisism, but I know there's something out there for me that I can find comfort in and I'd like to look for that. Maybe it's my own praise in my own form and my own time, who knows..
1 comment:
Wow. Just... wow. Thanks for this post. I don't even know why, really. But thanks. Years ago I forgot all about God and in the last few months I've been struggling with that. Something about your post may have just given me what I needed......whatever that is.
Happy day to you, my friend.
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