Friday, December 31, 2010

Year in Review (picture post)

This has been an interesting year to say the least!

January was a smooth month. I was just starting to get back to normal after my miscarriage. My body was finally recognizing the pregnancy ended and I thought I was finally at a point where I could move on.


February - Drama at work started.  Catty coworkers and gossipy students feeding off of the overly-chatty coworkers. Because that wasn't enough - I had to go and have my gallbladder out much earlier than planned because the pain was so bad.



March - I started boot camp. The most amazing choice I made all year for myself. In the beginning of the month I got tattoo #2.  I got one on my foot, hubby got one on his back. 



April - Spring break, a getaway from all the drama as it continues. I went on a retreat with the seniors at work. It was a much needed experience and while I'm not sure I'll ever go back, I'm glad I went this time around. I finally had to face issues with the miscarriage I had the previous year.


May - Things at work started to peak, and I reconsidered whether that was somewhere I even wanted to stay.  Who do you go to when the bully at work is a coworker practically sleeping with the boss? Ya know? School wrapped up and graduation was in site for kids... Things the last week of May eased up.

June - I began seeing a counselor to deal with the m/c that I ignored for the past 6 months.  Rather than deal with something right away, I have to do it when I'm ready and I was finally ready.  The retreat experience really made me realize I was in a bad place.  When I could sit there and talk about skydiving and when someone said 'but you might not survive' and I could sit there and say 'But I'm OK with that' - clearly there was a problem.  So I sucked it up and found an amazing counselor to talk to.  She really helped me sort things out.

July - Awesome month.  I was feeling good and I had the opportunity to visit two dear friends. One in Texas and one in Georgia.  After everything that had happened all year (when I refer to year, I usually am speaking in school-year mode) - I needed this getaway.  While I was gone I had the opportunity to see that I was making quite a few mistakes in life and I needed to get back on track.  I was on a path that if I didn't get my butt in gear, I was going to sink quickly. So I came back and hubs and I got back on the same page and off I went back to a better place.




August was a good month also.  By this point I had lost 35lbs from bootcamp. We went to Punta Cana with two good friends of ours.  We spent a week in paradise away from the world.  Came back from vacation and started couples counseling the following week. That was a great opportunity for Hubs and I to really get on the same page and make sure we were still on the same path.  Sadly summer ended and I had to go back to work. I went back to work with a fresh attitude towards people and stopped caring. I wasn't going to be bullied and I wasn't going to hide from the queen bee.  So I approached her about a week or two before school started to try and get a feel on her. I think after talking to her I got her to realize I'm not a threat and she needs to stop feeling that way.







September I found out I was pregnant, again.   Well actually I knew at the end of August, but it became more real in September after having the bloodwork confirmation. I told my mom on her birthday weekend (Labor Day weekend), and two weeks after that I went to Chicago (another new city for the first time ever).  By then pretty much my whole family knew I was pregnant.  At the end of the month (the 27th to  be exact) I got to see the heartbeat by that point so in my mind, things were going OK. Little did I know a month later they'd be removing little Lima from me :(


October is a month I'd love to just forget entirely.  In that short 31 days I managed to find out the baby died, so I had a d&c in order to move on faster than my last m/c.  I was 11 weeks when I found out. I lost three friends - luckily I was able to recovered the two important ones out of the mess. The one I lost, isn't really a big loss.  Now that I look back at least 50 if not 70% of our friendship was based on lies.  He was a pathological liar who needs quite a bit of help.  I've never been so manipulated in my life.  However, the experience allowed me to really take a look at myself and the way I approach friendships and give that a bit of a makeover.  I've been working really hard since that experience to try and make sure the few friends I keep close know how important to me they are. I took a trip to Seven Springs the weekend after my d&c.  I had to get away.  The following weekend we had scheduled to go to New York to look at wedding dresses for my sisters upcoming wedding.  She bought a beautiful one at the first shop we went to. 

November is my anniversary.  This year we celebrated 4 years of being married.  Our anniversary fell on Thanksgiving so we spent it with family. I spent most of November just going through the motions.  I haven't dealt with the m/c in full and it will hit me at some point, but not yet. And, because I didn't have enough going on - when I went in for a follow up to my d&c I found out I had abnormal cells and needed surgery.  I talked about it in my blog here.  Something I just wasn't prepared for.  I needed November to end.






December was a smooth at work.  I had my surgery scheduled for mid-month and luckily we had two snow days so that I didn't have to use any more valuable time off.  I'm trying to save that time for when I actually have a successful pregnancy and I'd like to stop wasting it on other things.  And yes, before you tell me - having precancerous cells removed is not 'wasting' time off - I know.  I just refer to it that way because I'm still angry about everything... Can you tell I really haven't dealt with it.

So there we go. My year in a nutshell.

So what does 2011 hold for me? Hopefully no more medical issues and by this time in 2011 I can typing a blog entry, very similar to this, holding a beautiful little baby... I won't hold my breath for that though..

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