Self-Reflection: "You've Changed"

Change is something that I do not love, but know it has to happen.  It can be good, it can be bad, but either way, it has to happen in order for us to move forward in life.


Today, a Friday, on the last real week of school (exams are next week), I had a student tell me (after being reprimanded for playing a stupid prank), "Mrs. M, You've changed."  My response, "So have you." Him, "You used to be fun." Me. "You used to be behaved and respectful." And I left it at that.  He knew where I was going with it and seemed shocked that I would point out his recent history of talking over me, admitting he didn't feel that I was saying was necessary to listen to, racing in the computer lab chairs, putting his feet up on the desk, and the list goes on.

The bell rang, and I scooped up my lunch and headed to the lunch room.  Have I changed? Did I used to be fun and now I'm not? Or is my level of 'fun' dependent on their level of respect and appropriate behavior? The more I sat through lunch, the more I thought about it. Yes, it's the end of the year.  I'm tired of all the kids being whiney and worn out.  I'm equally worn out. If they weren't whiney opinionated and vocal, would I have found his harmless prank funny? No, I can't honestly say I would have. Would I have yelled at him for it, probably not in the same fashion...  After I mentally processed that, I started to think, how have I really changed, professionally.  My goal, every year is to build up the skills and techniques I learned the year before, and then try something new the following year and see how it goes.  Am I doing that?

I took the period after lunch to reflect and really think about it.  There are just awful teachers who don't know when to leave.  I never want to be one of those teachers.  I want to be open to change and growth and new methods, I don't want to be that teacher who has used the exact same notes, method of delivery, classroom management and grading style for the past 46 years (hey, I'm technically OK,. I have 51 years before that hits!), but you get my point.

These kids need the best.  If they're getting every opportunity of learning and success laid out and available to them, then we can only grow as a community stronger and stronger, generation after generation. Am I doing what I can in order to get them one step closer? And if I am, are they accepting the challenge to succeed?

I'm not sure I have an answer or ending to this at this point.  I'm not sure how I feel about things and where I stand, as a teacher. I love it, there's no doubt about that. But is that enough?  I want to make sure I'm doing the best I can (I don't mean being THE best, just my best).

Do you ever wonder if you're doing your best at something?