Adoption.... The full story.

When we got matched with our children, we knew very little about them. They were in foster care at two different homes. My two oldest were in one home, and the third was in a separate home.  They didn't know each other. They didn't know they had more siblings.

The process was grueling and I'm sure if you really want to know, I'll happily fill you in. Please don't say "oh how amazing for those children!". We didn't adopt because we're good people (but I like to think we are). We adopted because we wanted a family and because I couldn't provide one.  We adopted because there are, just locally, thousands of children who want the same thing; a family.

So we went on. We met them, and we bonded and we spent the next 6 months under the watchful eye of Children's Services.  And then they were ours.  And now we're a family.....

Now what?  No one prepares you for a child. No well-meaning advice. No books. No classes.  And if that wasn't bad enough, absolutely, positively nothing can prepare you for not one, but three children, all at different ages, staggered experiences straight out of foster care.  You know nothing about them. You laugh, you cry and you pray. 

I spent the first 4 months in total chaos.  I had no idea how to go anywhere with these littles suddenly everywhere.  Our house was chaos. We moved. We got a bigger house with a bigger yard.  It felt nice to breath.

If you followed our journey online, we look amazingly happy and the kids are growing and at peace. It's everything you could ask for, right?

How about the mom who can't bond with her daughter.  The daughter we walk on egg shells around because she's vindictive and defiant but when you face her with consequences, or a simple No, people are ready to call the police because you think there's abuse happening.

I get you strangers, I feel it.  I would too if I heard her screams last for hours and hours and you don't know what is happening.  I promise though, before you do, please know - mom is trying. She's screaming too, just in silence, while she cries in the shower.