So while we're sitting here and I've gotten laundry started, had breakfast and started tidying the bedroom - I keep waiting for him to get up and do something. So I googled (with not really sure what I would get as a result) 'How to motivate your husband' and wouldn't you know - someone on eHow decided that it was a great topic.
So basically I thought I'd give it a read over to see if there's something I'm missing.
Step #1 - Throw away your cookie cutter
I can safely say thanks to therapy, I'm good here. I've learned to accept the quirks about him that I used to find fun and interesting (which for a while turned into a major annoyance) and have moved on from them. I accept that they are part of the reason I initially fell for him, but what has this got to do with getting him to empty the dishwasher? So I kept reading.
Step #2 - Recognize your husbands needs
Ok - caught here. Maybe I don't always give him the praise he needs. And I know he's an affectionate person and I'm not always feeling it. So sure, maybe giving him an extra kiss and hug will get the job done... Tried that, went on doing what I needed to do and nope - he's still sitting there reading the news. Is the news a need? Nah, I can't imagine he's that concerned about what is going on that would want to take his precious time away from doing the dishwasher. There's got to be more to it than that.
Step #3 - Allow him the freedom to make mistakes
I do this, I do this! I also learned this in therapy. He's not perfect, and I'm certainly not perfect (though - if you ask him he better say that I am!) so we are both pretty patient with each others flaws and mistakes. Yay! We both get one step right! I would congratulate him, but those dishes are still sitting there...
Step #4 - Affirm your husbands attempts
Hmmm... I give affirmations often, but really, is this necessary all the time? Why should I say thank you for doing things that you would expect me to do otherwise, and I don't get no Thank You.... So this is one I will certainly be putting to the test. I will make it a point today to thank him for something he does, whether it's something I asked for or that he did on his own. But that's not going to help me get the dishes done right now - and this article is running out of suggestions.
Step #5 - Step back and enjoy your husband
Ok, ok. I can get this. We put a lot of pressure on our spouses sometimes to live up to some pretty high expectations. I'm sure I could say I love you more, or Thank you, or I appreciate a bit more often than I do... I get what they're saying... I suppose if I really want the dishes done I have two choices - do them myself or flat out ask him to do them (because step 1 reminds me to accept my husband as he is, and frankly that means I need to accept the fact that he isn't a mind-reader though I'd like him to be when I want things done).
So I decided to get up and go do them myself. 3 Minutes in the kitchen, water running and reaching for the soap and who comes in to help? Hubby. Actually (and his words, not mine) 'I'll get that, why don't you go ahead and shower so you're not rushed when your parents call'... I figured I'd leave it at that, a smile, kiss and thank you and off I go to shower.
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