This has been an interesting year to say the least!
January was a smooth month. I was just starting to get back to normal after my miscarriage. My body was finally recognizing the
pregnancy ended and I thought I was finally at a point where I could move on.
February - Drama at work started. Catty coworkers and gossipy students feeding off of the overly-chatty coworkers. Because that wasn't enough - I had to go and have my gallbladder out much earlier than planned because the pain was so bad.
March - I started boot camp. The most amazing choice I made all year for myself. In the beginning of the month I got tattoo #2. I got one on my foot, hubby got one on his back.
April -
Spring break, a getaway from all the drama as it continues. I went on a retreat with the seniors at work. It was a much needed experience and while I'm not sure I'll ever go back, I'm glad I went this time around. I finally had to face issues with the miscarriage I had the previous year.
May - Things at work started to peak, and I reconsidered whether that was somewhere I even wanted to stay. Who do you go to when the bully at work is a coworker practically sleeping with the boss? Ya know? School wrapped up and graduation was in site for kids... Things the last week of May eased up.
June - I began seeing a counselor to deal with the m/c that I ignored for the past 6 months. Rather than deal with something right away, I have to do it when I'm ready and I was finally ready. The retreat experience really made me realize I was in a bad place. When I could sit there and talk about skydiving and when someone said 'but you might not survive' and I could sit there and say 'But I'm OK with that' - clearly there was a problem. So I sucked it up and found an amazing counselor to talk to. She really helped me sort things out.
July - Awesome month. I was feeling good and I had the opportunity to visit two dear friends. One in
Texas and one in Georgia. After everything that had happened all year (when I refer to year, I usually am speaking in
school-year mode) - I needed this getaway. While I was gone I had the opportunity to see that I was making quite a few mistakes in life and I needed to get back on track. I was on a path that if I didn't get my butt in gear, I was going to sink quickly. So I came back and hubs and I got back on the same page and off I went back to a better place.
August was a good month also. By this point I had lost 35lbs from bootcamp. We went to
Punta Cana with two
good friends of ours. We spent a week in paradise away from the world. Came back from vacation and started couples counseling the following week. That was a great opportunity for Hubs and I to really get on the same page and make sure we were still on the same path. Sadly summer ended and I had to go back to work. I went back to work with a fresh attitude towards people and stopped caring. I wasn't going to be bullied and I wasn't going to hide from the queen bee. So I approached her about a week or two before school started to try and get a feel on her. I think after talking to her I got her to realize I'm not a threat and she needs to stop feeling that way.
September I found out I was pregnant, again. Well actually I knew at the end of August, but it became more real in September after having the bloodwork confirmation. I told my mom on her birthday weekend (
Labor Day weekend), and two weeks after that I went to
Chicago (another new city for the first time ever). By then pretty much my whole family knew I was pregnant. At the end of the month (the 27th to be exact) I got to see the heartbeat by that point so in my mind, things were going OK. Little did I know a month later they'd be removing little Lima from me :(
October is a month I'd love to just forget entirely. In that short 31 days I managed to find out the baby died, so I had a d&c in order to move on faster than my last m/c. I was 11 weeks when I found out. I lost three friends - luckily I was able to recovered the two important ones out of the mess. The one I lost, isn't really a big loss. Now that I look back at least 50 if not 70% of our friendship was based on lies. He was a pathological liar who needs quite a bit of help. I've never been so manipulated in my life. However, the experience allowed me to really take a look at myself and the way I approach friendships and give that a bit of a makeover. I've been working really hard since that experience to try and make sure the few friends I keep close know how important to me they are. I took a trip to Seven Springs the weekend after my d&c. I had to get away. The following weekend we had scheduled to go to
New York to look at wedding dresses for my sisters upcoming wedding. She bought a beautiful one at the first shop we went to.
November is my anniversary. This year we celebrated 4 years of being married. Our anniversary fell on Thanksgiving so we spent it with family. I spent most of November just going through the motions. I haven't dealt with the m/c in full and it will hit me at some point, but not yet. And, because I didn't have enough going on - when I went in for a follow up to my d&c I found out I had abnormal cells and needed surgery. I talked about it in my blog here. Something I just wasn't prepared for. I needed November to end.
December was a smooth at work. I had my surgery scheduled for mid-month and luckily we had two snow days so that I didn't have to use any more valuable time off. I'm trying to save that time for when I actually have a successful pregnancy and I'd like to stop wasting it on other things. And yes, before you tell me - having precancerous cells removed is not 'wasting' time off - I know. I just refer to it that way because I'm still angry about everything... Can you tell I really haven't dealt with it.
So there we go. My year in a nutshell.
So what does 2011 hold for me? Hopefully no more medical issues and by this time in 2011 I can typing a blog entry, very similar to this, holding a beautiful little baby... I won't hold my breath for that though..
Image via WikipediaLet's rewind, because honestly - it's been a while.
